USD Magazine, Fall 2004

IN YOUR OWN WORDS

Confessions of a Binge-Drinker

I moved co South America and cook a blank slate with me, along with dreams of fortifying my Spanish and learning the indigenous language. I thought I was ready co become a different person. Along with learning co play guitar, I started co see the value in learning co live by a different set of rules. I also came co see the diffi- culties, frustrations and

After Toren Volkmann '02 graduated from USD, he Landed a coveted spot in South America with the Peace Corps. Little did he know he'd wind up as the '1 Told You So" poster boy for alcohol awareness by the age of24. M y thumb had apparently been extended for quite some time when the truck driver picked me up and cook me to the train station. I wondered if he smelled my urine-soaked pants or noticed the blood on my shirt. Surely he ha~ no_ idea "'.hat I had been through the night before. The scary part 1s neither did I. Scarier still was that this hardly fazed me, and I was still a teen-ager. I started parrying regularly when I was 15 and continued through– out my college years. Aware of the risks of heavy drinking, I had no intention of letting a substance run my life. All my drinking cook place under social circumstances - and my life bec~m~ extre'.11el~ social. After a series of unfortunate drinking-related mCJdents m high school - getting kicked off che soccer team, the football te~m, the swim team and such - I had cold my parents that I was going to buckle down in college. I meant it when I said it. Getting drunk was always my intention when I drank. My drink of choice was Olympia Ice, though I would happily drink Pabst, Bull Ice

"Getting drunk was always my intention when I drank. "

rewards of adjusting co a third-world culture. Bue alongside these external challenges, I was slowly bein~ beaten down by the painful realization that I was indeed an alcoholic. Symptoms of my drinking worsened more ~han I had thou~ht possible. Since not drinking was not an option, I'd try to dnnk . socially, but I couldn't. I'd get coo intoxicated, black out, stop eating and eventually go through withdrawal, sweating through my nigh:s, legs cramping, fearful that if I slept I'd start having seizures. Nothmg I tried made things better. I found it difficult co focus . I couldn't remember what I had planned co buy at the market, what I had just been discussing wi:h a group, what I was learning in language class. The further I got into withdrawal, che more my frustration turned into fear. My confidence and sense of humor were disappearing. I felt totally out of control on a purely physical level. I was freaking out, and it was no fun whatsoever. . . How was this possible? Maybe I knew I was an alcoholic bac½ m high school. Probably I really knew by the end of college. Certainly I had co have known before I entered the Peace Corps. But maybe it was the harsh living circumstances in South America that had caused my alcoholism. Yeah, right. Ir's called denial. And it's not just a river in Egypt. Finally I realized I needed help. I couldn't run this show on my own. Within a week I was admitted co a rehab center in the northeast United States where my real journey began. My situation was serious, but I had no idea what I was in for at the time. None of it was easy. All of it was worth it. Now I know that I'm not just a free spirit, but a flaming alcoholic. Since completing rehab last October, I lived in a_halfway h~use for six months and co-wrote a book about my expenences. In It, my mother and I explore the ways that alcoholism has impacted our lives and how binge drinking affects college campuses and society. . As for me, I'm just learning how co live sober, one day at a time. + Find out more about the book, Our Drink: ·oecoxing the Perfect Family, co-authored by Toren Volkmann and his mother, Chris, at www.ourdrink.com. To share an experience "In Your Own Words, " contact Julene Snyder for guidelines at (619) 260-4684 or julene@sandiego.edu.

or Old English. Life was a parry; I worked hard and played harder. Rules didn't apply co me, and if they did, I broke them. While my self-destruc– tion wasn't typical, the amount of heavy drinking that occurs on and around any college campus can make binge drinking seem normal. I balanced long weekends of heavy drink-

Parents and students need to talk to one another about alcohol consumption. ing with adequate studying and justified my lifestyle co anyone who questioned it. Not many did. After facing several disciplinary issues at USD and arrests off- . campus as a result of my drinking, I figured that '.11Y problems w1_th alcohol had peaked. Surely my life would normalize after graduation. Even with all the heavy drinking I engaged in, I still knew, on some level, chat what I really wanted was co live my life purposefully and experience diverse culrures. So the answer co pose-college dol– drums and a failing job market was co become a Peace Corps volun– teer. It seemed perfect: I would gain life experience, give back to humanity and - most important - gain the time necessary to pursue much-needed introspection.

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