U Magazine, Fall 1986

Mary Dolan's journal

English major Mary Dolan was one of 33 USD students who volunteered to tutor Southeast San Diego elementary school students last spring. In these excerptsfrom the journal she kept during her experience, Dolan writes of her initial frustrations and disappointments with herself and the program, which gradually gave way to small successes, and eventually. joyful triumph. February 6 "Today was my first day. I had seven marriage proposals and ten 'I love you's.' The kids were so warm and accepting. They thought that a fairy goddess had landed in their midst - I can honestly say I've never had that kind of reception before." February 11 "I definitely don't feel as enthusiastic about this as I did after leaving the school last time. I don't think I'm very good at it. There are two tutors in the class at the same time in one class, and I listened to the other person explain and I felt that he was doing a much better job. Also, when I took the kids to the library to search out a book for a book report. I gave them books that were too hard for them. The teacher seemed annoyed, and of course that made me upset ... Needless to say, I'm discouraged." February 13 "This job is much more difficult than I thought it would be. I'm not sure why I thought it would be easy - or should I say I thought I would have a 'natural' affinity to it - but I don't. I don't have any problems with keeping the kids in control, or having them like me, but I feel rather lost when it comes to the teaching." February 17 " I had a much better experience with teaching today than I did last Thursday. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I taught math to a little fourth grade Spanish-speaking girl instead of teaching sounds to first graders. I really enjoy math - I'm sure it sounds strange from an English major - but I enjoy the fact that there is only one right answer, it isn't a question of interpretation ... Then I did my 15 minutes duty on the playground, and a little girl came up to give me a valentine she had made for me." February 24 "I almost don't want to write what I'm thinking because it continually sounds like I'm having such a wretched time teaching. But the truth is the frustration I feel is leveled at myself. not at the program. All of the teachers have been very nice, and most of the students have listened to what I had to say. I just feel like I'm not doing such a great job. . Another strange phenomenon, I like teaching the math much better. I did it again this week, so I don' t think it's just a passing fancy." March4 "I don't mean for these journal entries to sound negative if they do. It's just I'm in the habit of working out problems that I have on paper . . . I must admit,

however, that I am frustrated with teaching some of the kids." March 11 "Teaching elementary school is down the tubes. Well, at least I know what I can't do ... It's not that I'm such a horrible teacher, I just don't enjoy the chaos and babysitting that goes on in the lower grades. Frankly, I don't know how the teachers ever have any kids come out educated, much less how the teachers make it at all . . . By the way, I'm going to write "The Pessimist's Guide to Teaching." March 18 I had such a great time teaching the kids today! The little boy in the fourth grade apparently has a crush on me so he is trying real hard to do well. Apparently he's even studying at home. Whatever works, right? I'm excited because the boy was doing real poorly before and now he's doing quite well. I just hope his grades don't drop when his affection drops. Then I went into the third grade ... They were very enthusiastic today and so was I. We had a lot of fun while going through the story." April 29 " I taught two boys today in the fourth grade. They got a little wild when we played our math game, but at least they stayed interested. One even wanted to stay in the group when the teacher said math time was over. .. . Two little girls came up to me during recess to let me know how many little boys had crushes on me. I think I know how to handle this now, so I asked the girls if they didn't think the boys were silly. They all giggled and said 'yes'." May6 "Today was my last day teaching. I had perhaps my biggest triumph as well. The little boy I have been tutoring since I started has made wonderful progress. I made up a game to keep him interested in learning: Jaws IV. I drew baby fish ... then I drew Jaws IV. Now all that was left was the explanation of how many little fish Jaws eats a day. I guess the best way of supporting my somewhat bizarre tactics is to comment that this particular boy I have been t u toring got a 100 percent on his fractions test. That boy just whizzed through it like he'd been doing it for years. What's more, he didn't want to go to recess - he wanted to continue practicing his fractions with stories. Now if that wasn't a minor miracle, I don't know what is . . . Hard to think that some people don't think English is a practical major! I think an ability to use the language to create new perspectives is one of the most formi– dable tools I have had as a tutor. I try to weave the children into a story and lead them unknowingly into the plot of learning. It doesn't always work. Sometimes they want the story more than the learning part, but most of the time I love to see their faces light up with surprise when they discover they know the ending without me telling them .. . And I must say, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world knowing you touched some little child, and if only for an hour, weaved a story so wonderful that his mind lifted him above the bleakness that surrounds him every day.'' •

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